People are different. Different –this is a word that has become popular and an explanation for the disagreements we have amongst ourselves. This piece is not about how different you and I are but it is about how we share a common enemy called failure in this pile of difference. Whether you are young or old, tall or short, black or white, thick or thin we all experience failure. The difference is how we characterize our failure and how we address it.
Personally, I view failure as a journey. It does not happen once, in fact, failure is suffocating. Unlike a slap that strikes and pains one once; failure feels like metal chains being tightened around one’s body after a specific time interval. I am an individual terrified of water; if my body can submerge under the water, I do not want to be in it. I envision failure as a 3m deep pool, with, my 1.5m tall self in the middle. I mentioned failure as a journey. I will give a personal example. This example highlights my lowest points in life in the past 3 years. Moreover, this example pinpoints when I felt defeated in my life. The following stand out:
· 2016- the O’level results I received where not in line with my goal -suppressed the pain
· 2017- I did not get the award I wanted at a music festival -suppressed the pain
· 2018- the A’level results I received where not in line with my goal - suppressed the pain
· 2018- I could not maintain a friendship due to lack of anger management- suppressed the pain
· 2018- I got blank in a debate when it was my turn to speak - suppressed the pain
· Fast forward to 2019 - I exploded- literally snapped at the smallest thing – I even characterized the lack of university accommodation as failure (imagine…. lol).
This explosion involved tears, feelings of emptiness, feelings of loneliness and I characterized this explosion as failure and bear in mind these feelings of worthlessness had stemmed from failed relationships as well - losing a friend is the hardest thing in this world for me. Those are huge investments I make. I continuously said to myself “I have failed. What is the point of working towards something when things do not go according to my plan? It’s not fair.” Reflecting on my reaction I find myself questioning - What had I failed exactly? Was it me being unable to get accommodation only that caused all of this misery and a turmoil of emotions? It didn’t make sense. In fact, it still does not make sense however, this explosion allowed me to get rid of everything that was causing me pain. One could say it was a form of emotional detoxification. As much as failure is an enemy; suppression is an instigator. Imagine bottling emotions for close to 3 years. This is 3 years of what feels like disappointment; well some bottle a lifetime of pain, misery, disappointment, distress, anxiety and so forth. This suppression i.e. these bottled emotions are your keys to the gateway of depression. Earlier this year I slowly felt myself being pulled into this gate. I am 19 and a half year old girl, what do I know about being depressed? Well failure is one element that drives the youth into depression. As mentioned above failure can be characterized differently, for example:
· A young lady might feel she has failed because she got pregnant whilst in school which might lead to depression, in extreme cases one will commit suicide.
· A lady or a gentleman might feel he or she has failed because somehow, someway he or she created sex tapes and they were leaked
· Another person might feel like he or she has failed because he or she wasn’t able to achieve the personal goals
· A factor we should not ignore is failure might start its journey from home. Some feel they are not good enough, some have been abused emotionally and physically to the point that defeat becomes their middle name.
You and I both want a world that does not include the above and we continuously advocate for most of the mentioned cases to stop but the reality is it still happens. Sex tapes still exist, girls still get pregnant in University and people still get abused. It is important to speak against the issues above, but it is important to stand with those in pain when it does happen to them. In a previous post I mentioned your choice is your biggest weapon. You choose to build yourself up or to let yourself crumble. Crying 24/7 or committing suicide is not the answer. Everybody fails in different degrees but it is not the end. Whether you believe in evolution or you have a specific religion or you simply float in the supernatural world, you are on this earth to serve a purpose. Only you can discover your purpose and just like how the ocean experiences tsunamis or hurricanes before it is calm and rich in its beauty; as a human being, you also have your hardships before your harvest time arrives. From this piece I want you take one thing, appreciate what you achieve. Fair enough I didn’t hit the jackpot in O’level and A’level but I wasn’t far from it and I am proud ,fair enough I didn’t get the accommodation I wanted but my parents can still afford to send me to school to learn and I appreciate that. Appreciate. I wish for every human being on this planet to know that you are not alone and there are moments defeat becomes the pivot of our lives but with perseverance it gets better. Talk to someone for example, I repeat this a lot because expressing your feelings openly allows you to remove any harmful thoughts and for some it opens a platform to work on their inner peace.
A key to fighting this enemy that only exists to destroy you, is drowning your losses in your pool of gains.
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