This is a short piece which was inspired by the conversation I heard on the radio last night on a show called “college nights”. Now the topic of the day was sex. Now there were a lot of questions asked such as: Is it okay to have sex with a drunk girl? Is there such a thing as date rape? Is the girl always the victim? All these issues were discussed and I do appreciate them for raising such a topic. When one hears the word sex they either shy away or ignore it or act like it’s some forbidden word that should not be spoken but news flash sex is reality.
Now growing up I have been told no sex before marriage and this has become a commandment for me that I live by. Now last night I heard a lot of comments that all said and I quote “without stonyeni there is no love i.e. without sex there is no love.” These comments triggered some questions that no one could answer at that moment such as:
· Does it mean I won’t find love in my years to come because I live by the no sex till marriage rule?
· Does it mean every guy that approaches me wants sex?
Since I had no one to answer these questions for me, I answered them for myself: does it mean I won’t fall in love? No! My definition of love will forever be “love is patient, love is kind” if he isn’t patient then it is not love; it is lust and lust never takes you far.
Does every guy want sex? I need your help my beloved readers. I was told that a guy’s goal is to have sex with you no matter what. The question is how do you know he will respect you enough to follow what you want? And what about what he wants? A relationship is a two Way Street which is why it is important to find a guy or girl who is willing to wait till marriage as well if that is your mindset. In a previous post I mentioned how inner peace was important for you to be content as an individual. Therefore after questioning myself I came to the conclusion that if you have inner conflict concerning your relationship; you are not ready for the relationship.
How do you know when you are ready? You will both be willing to satisfy each other’s needs. Key word being “willing” so never feel pressured to have sex with a guy or a girl if you are not ready because if there is pressure both of you are not on the same page. In other words you are not compatible because there is a lack of compromise in your relationship.
Don’t be afraid to talk about sex because like I said earlier on its reality, girls talk to your mothers, aunts, siblings... Guys talk to your fathers, uncles, siblings. Talk to people that have an important role in your life. Talk to people that have never failed you in life. If you ignore the fact that sex exists one day it will come to you face to face and you won’t know how to deal with it. Now it’s not my place to tell anyone that this is wrong or this is right. I respect everyone’s beliefs and opinions. However I can tell you this with confidence: if you regret it, it’s wrong for you. Regret can cause a lot of psychological damage. Regret can welcome you into a world of depression and young or old, no one deserves to be in that world.
My advice is: both girls and boys, when you get into a relationship if you are not sexually active and you have no intention of being active let your partner know from the beginning. If you are comfortable with it let your partner know. Having this conversation allows you to have a CHOICE. Your CHOICE is your greatest weapon in life because you make it willingly and consciously. So let’s adopt the concept of having a choice in relationships. In fact having a choice in everything we do.
In my life everything I do is linked to one statement which has become my motto which is:
INNER PEACE= CONTENTMENT= HEALTHY LIFESTYLE= SUCCESS.
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